Sorting out my life AGAIN

I worry too much sometimes.  I went from 160 kgs in 2005 to 2008 and lost 40.2 kgs and then life got in the way in 2008 and things happened in my life with my mum and lots of other things that I gave up on my weight loss as other things were more important.

I have to realise that I cannot look after my family if I don't look after myself.

Jeremy and I went for a walk tonight while mum looked after the boys so that we could talk about my situation.  I am not happy and I am gaining more and more because of not caring and it isn't good enough anymore.

The thing is... is that I have to want to lose weight.  When I had my blog before I lost weight because I found like minded people doing the same thing and trying to lose weight and my blog was for me to get things off my chest.  So I am doing this again.  I am going to get the weight off that I have gained back in the last couple of years and then keep on going.

I think when I got down to 119 kgs (after being 160 kgs) that I felt comfortable and I didn't have a reason to lose the weight because I was happy.  I need to work out how to get past that and be happier and lose more weight.  They say at Weight Watchers that I should be between 56 kgs and 66 kgs OMG soooo not how I see it realistically.  I think 80 kgs is something I will aim for as I can see that and I can see me getting down there but 66 kgs hmmmmm not for me right now.

I have always had this urge to run and to go out for a run after work etc.  I want to be able to do that.  I want to get to the stage where I feel fit enough that that can happen.

In the past 7 years I am with the same job (well sort of) but my job has changed 7 times (and twice this year and it looks like there will be another change) I am a little sick of going through all the grief of maybe losing my job and it is a big strain on me and my family.  I do think that if I lost weight that I would be a little more confident in finding another job maybe? Hmmmmm we shall see.

There is a 10km walk/run here in May 2012 so I am aiming for that at the moment.  Jeremy is going to work on a training program to get to 10km walk being an easy thing for me by the time it comes around.  So that is 6 months of training.

I have done 3 triathalons, Bootcamp, Tough Guy/Gal challenge (thru mud and confidence course) (in the time that I went from 160kg to 119 kgs), but since then I have slacked and my fitness is not good at all. 

Our first goal is to work out the food and track.  Tracking is the thing I need to sort out. Start with one thing and master it and then go on to another.

I can do this... I know I can... now I need to put it in to practice.